Why does everything seem SO complicated????
If you’re reading this, you might be feeling overwhelmed and defeated just like I am right now. You might be struggling with betrayal trauma too and finding it challenging to get the help you need. That is where I am at today… ugh.
This post is more of a ramble and rant than anything else so if you don’t like these sorts of posts please keep scrolling by…
My day is not going too well. I am feeling sad, tired, and defeated. I want so badly to talk to a betrayal trauma counselor, but the one in my TINY town has a year-long waitlist.
I am so upset about this and it made me cry because EVERYTHING has made me upset lately since I started my betrayal trauma journey at the beginning of this year.
I need a break. I need some good things to come from this terrible, horrible ordeal. I need to talk to someone who will give me advice and listen to me without judging me. I have SO much to say and so much to talk about, but I fear I will be judged.
I am just so tired of it all. It sucks feeling like I have to be afraid because I might be judged. I never asked for this crap to happen to me! WHY is it ME who feels like this????
I really hope I can find a good counselor soon so I can start MY healing process. So much healing needs to happen for me to ever feel like a person again. To feel whole again. Will that ever happen? Right now, I think not. But, who knows a few months from now… This sucks so badly.
The world just keeps going by and nothing stops for my trauma. Nothing waits for me to get better or feel better. The world and people just keep living their lives (as they should and as it should!), and here I am feeling so damn stuck.
I feel like I am suffocating. I feel resentful and angry. I hate these feelings because I am NOT an angry person, but this has changed me. I am changing into someone I don’t even know anymore, and it kills me. I want ME back!
How do I get myself back? How do I repair the hurt, disgust, anger, and resentment? These are the questions that have been plaguing me for a long time. I want to feel like myself again, but I don’t know how.